Well, it had to happen at some point, the ultimate in Where’s Jalopy was in fact no-where… Between places to park. This means there is very little you can do except pack the whole lot up and attempt to move it. This is easier than it sounds until you realise some of it hasn’t moved in 5 years.

Yes, there is more to the Jalopy fleet than you know, two more to be precise. There was always the plan to get them featured when progress had been made. Unfortunately that turned out to be never as no progress whatsoever had been made., until they have to move. I figured if they actually ran it would help, so I set about getting them running.

First up was to finish the SAAB 900, after all it only needs a clutch slave cylinder. One was sourced quite reasonably and put on the shelf for months, I had two other working cars, it didn’t matter. It’s quite straightforward seeing even though it has a concentric slave cylinder, it is on the outside of the bellhousing.

And we had another runner, straight to the MOT which it sailed through second time… I forgot why I bought another track rod end until presented with the failure sheet. Anyway, this was a new record in Jalopy with three working cars, how long would it last?

The 900 was pressed into action as removal vehicle extraordinaire. It’s six feet of load space behind the drivers seat meant no end of things fitted. It’s great for runs to IKEA…

Whilst this was going on it was becoming obvious that the Trabant would need to get going. A chance conversation with a club member put me in touch with Sheila, someone just as crazy as Jalopy and a new (recon by LDM Tuning) engine and gearbox was bought from her. Result, now to fit them…. and before I go into too much detail I regret even bothering.

It was fun for a while until you realise upon assembly with new engine and transmission that it was stuck in gear and would need to come out again and the original gearbox putting back in… Then you remember drilling out the ignition pickup housing screws to get it off the old engine and you forgot to order replacements with the rest of the stuff you bought. This on a Sunday when it was must be running by the time I leave day… Abandon and get to finish the next problem.

I mean who in their right mind would attempt an engine swap along with all the other things than needed doing when trying to move it along with all the others.

Which brings me to the W115 Mercedes, a fantastic purchase from Classic & Sportscar back in 2011, of course sight unseen. It seemed like a good idea at the time, to think I took this thing to France a couple of months after buying it, I’m amazed it didn’t break. I was ordered to fit seatbelts to the rear of it two weeks before leaving, so in typical Jalopy fashion these arrived two days before leaving and I’m bolting them into something where the belt was the strongest part. I digress, this needed some serious fettling to run again and the brakes were completely seized. It did run though, pretty well, settling down to a reasonable tickover. Calipers were stripped, bits everywhere and the biggest bodge to hold the exhaust together and it could be driven.

Now all this was being done in spare time with the rest of the moving and clearing out lots of things, including what appeared to be the EU Honda Superdream Mountain. I guess there’s a missed opportunity for Jalopy, but believe me you really can own too much stuff. Which of course you only notice when you have to move it…

So SAAB 900 working well and the S Class in reserve we were doing great. The 9000 was fine, but it’s always being used so it’s time to give the poor thing a break. Besides I had another two working cars, right? No. The 500SE unexpectedly failed an MOT on two broken front springs putting that out of action, but thankfully could be parked at it’s new home. So much for using that for a bit, so later that weekend the 900 throws a wobbly. Well it was an alternator belt actually, wiping out the power steering in the process…. SAAB thankfully fitted two of them so at least I still had a water pump and electricity. Until a run to the local tip resulted in a burning smell, some smoke and the last belt snapping. I still had the first one that fell off so all I had to do was adjust the alternator and pop it on and get to the new place with a load of stuff. Easier said than done, there’s quite a bit in the way and me being somewhat over enthusiastic tightening up the alternator put too much pressure on a water hose and broke a plastic connector. Yes, I had gone down from three working cars to one in less than 24 hours and I was stuck miles from my new home…..

Now you just can’t make this sort of stuff up and thankfully I don’t have to. I had to officially give up and call for recovery, my bank giving half a dozen call outs a year and one deliver wherever you like. Brilliant, new home please and it’s been in the exact spot it was parked in since then.

The 900 was now at the back of a queue that was getting longer by the day, If the 9000 broke I was well and truly screwed (that car is simply incredible, it always works and I couldn’t have finished without it). Nice recovery service though, I even drove the car on and off, not something that usually happens apparently. My new neighbours were becoming more amused (I hope) by the increasing collection of non working vehicles.

This of course all happening before the trip to Queretaro, Mexico. It may surprise you to learn that I have another source of income as there is absolutely no money in Jalopy and I was then stuck thousands of miles away with several broken cars and an incomplete house move.

Next up get the Trabant moved, I was not going to have time to make it run, so I called Adam who provided a superb service at a very reasonable price. Why didn’t I do this in the first place…

Next to go was the W115. I hadn’t driven this in years and it got going surprisingly easily. Brakes aside that is, they were quite stuck so I had all the calipers in bits to clean them out. They need more than cleaning, full rebuilds all round.

It did run and stop though and an MOT was booked 40 miles away so I could at least drive something away from the old house.

Now, I expected it to fail the MOT but this was embarrassing, Not only did it take an hour and a half to do the MOT it took another 20 minutes to type it all out, with the failure list running into two pages. At least they didn’t tell me I couldn’t drive it home. They did ask how far it was though…. Pity really it drove rather well.

Crossroads Garage in Cheswick Green near Solihull do a proper MOT. They get stuck into the car and aren’t afraid to find holes, which if you’re having an MOT done you want them to. I can highly recommend them.

Lastly I had to sell the 9000 2.3 Turbo CDE. Now I think there’s only one of these with this body, engine and gearbox combination around. I honestly didn’t know what else to do with it and thankfully as Jalopy is well connected these days I managed to sell it to Danny Hopkins of Practical Classics. He collected it the day before contracts were exchanged, phew. It’s going to be his daily driver and has already been featured in the mag. Also when he’s finished with it I can probably buy it back…

After all that I needed a holiday.

Simon